Breaking up with, or simply, breaking things off with someone you’ve just been seeing, is never easy. Sometimes, honesty is just plain hard; however, don’t all people deserve the time and respect to be given an explanation? I personally have been on both ends of the ghosting spectrum, sort of. Does anyone reaaallly want to hear that someone isn’t into them or that they just “aren’t relationship material”? Or would we rather be left ghosted only to draw our own conclusions after listing and analyzing our flaws as possible reasons to deserve a ghosting? The sad thing is that this new “trend” can strike at anytime, regardless of how much fun you had on your last date. So much so, that we’ve come to expect it, and have even given it its own term. When did we as humans decide that this is an appropriate way to treat one another and why? Because we’re cowards? Because it’s just easier to disappear and hope to never run into them again? I would imagine “ghosting” is something that is more common in large cities where it’s less likely to bump into that person other than on the next dating app, in which case, you just swipe left, problem solved. You wouldn’t generally just stop showing up at a job (well most people wouldn’t anyways) so why is it okay to treat someone who gave you the time for a date or two, engaged in conversations with you and took a general interest in your life, like they just never existed?
In lieu of Halloween, Tinder Tales is hosting a special show on October 25th, featuring stories about being ghosted. Being ghosted is rarely fun, or funny, and it can be a pretty big shot to our egos, but at least we can all come together and remind ourselves, we aren’t alone and maybe even laugh a little.
To prepare for the show, I asked some of our storytellers to share their thoughts on why people ghost. Read, enjoy, and send us your thoughts on why people ghost.
“Funnily enough, I think about ghosting a lot and how dating has started to resemble a Ghostbusters movie. Ghosting has always existed, but it used to be reserved for the emotionally damaged and fucked up. Unfortunately now that it has a name and is a known entity, people consider it an option. “Well this isn’t working out, should I call them/tell them in person or just fuck off all together.” Because we recognized Ghosting as a reality, we made it a part of our reality.”
“We live in a time where making a connection is easier than ever – but these Tinder connections are mostly superficial. Leaving someone in the dark no longer carries the same weight as it once did – and we can easily outrun the consequences of wronging someone in a city of millions by block-deleting someone and moving on to the next one.”
“I think it’s easier to ghost someone than to have “the talk”. Sometimes it isn’t me, it really is them, and that isn’t a nice thing to say to someone. So I guess sometimes ghosting feels like the lesser of two evils? Like a guy will be nice enough, but will do something that I’ll find pretty unimpressive — example: I was seeing a guy who was totally awesome to talk to, but insisted that sex should be traditional – only missionary, and the only orgasm that matters is the man’s… and I had tried talking to him a few times about it, but then it just got to the point where it was like NOPE! Not my problem anymore, you’re too hard headed to hear me out, so…. Ghosted!”
“Really I think you can boil it down to selfishness and laziness, pretty much same as the rest of humanities woes. As time goes on, performance anxiety sets in and the gravity of the situation sets in — I have to go put my best foot forward for a stranger which is exhausting. The easiest thing to do is to just vanish, which also saves me the trouble of having to disappoint someone to their face. Ghosting seems to happen mostly with online dating, as it’s so low stakes.”
“People ghost because they are afraid of conflict and they’re lazy. It’s easier to just disappear and not deal with any of the fallout than it is to actually have a grown up conversation with someone.”
“I think people ghost because they are pussies. Sometimes it is so much easier to avoid a situation instead of dealing with it honestly. Maybe we are all too sensitive or have fear that everyone else is over sensitive.”
“I suspect it’s a lack of maturity, lack of empathy and egocentricity. “Ghosting” is an affliction that has always existed but exhibits more frequently with the current younger generation. There is a sense of disposability and a societal laxity when it comes to accountability. I think it would make for a longer socio-philosophical debate.”
“They are in a relationship and finally decided to stop dicking around OR they found someone they are willing to commit to, and unfortunately, it ain’t you!”
And finally, my personal favourite, “They’re actually a ghost.”
Join us for a night of ghosting stories on October 25th at The Garrison! Tickets available here until 4pm Oct. 25th or at the door!